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+supposedly it has been a fair Xdays since i blogged, so i am encouraged to blog. heavy typing day after blogging 2posts at my class' econs blog. -.- okay, so many things have happened since i blogged i guess. and the thing dat affected me most is actually the sichuan quake. there are many many touching stories that appeared form the newspaper. i am surprised by how mankind can actually withstand the obstacles and managed to survive, some even up to 8days after being buried under the rubble. even thou i am not from china, i sincerely hope that life will be better for them.
+i guess this incident made me think alot. how fragile mankind is, and how people can actually share troubles together, how people love each other. there's this mother protecting her baby till the very last minute she lived, leaving a sms dat read:dear baby, if u happen to see this, mummy loves you always. den there's this man who found her wife's body under the rubble, and carried her on his back while travelling away by a motorcyle. he said he wanted to bring his wife on the last journey, and have a proper burial for her. and the most comical yet sweet story of all, this girlfriend was trapped under the rubble for Xdays and throughout these days, her boyfriend kept talking to her to prevent her from sleeping. becos if u sleep, you will most probably die. he asked her wad kind of wedding does she want, whether the western or the chinese style. and he of cos, hasnt been sleeping for nights either. then the leader of china cried while seeing the PLA trying their best to save people. its realli touching to know that love still exists in the world.
+humans are weak, they are fragile. an earthquake can crush thousand of lives. but what keeps people going on, trying to save pple despite the fact dat its 9days after the quake, or doctors trying their best to save people even though all their family members have died, or pple all around the world donating $ to rebuild their homes. i guess all these boils down to human love, dat u cant seem to find in many other animals.
but well i guess, i dont noe how to love.
+hmm, life's has been pretty dead for me these few days. saddened by my econs. argh, i dun want to feel emo all over again. sucks. finally done my june hols schedule. it sucks seriously, everyday there's something for me to do. sometimes i realli think dat i have lost alot of private time with myself. those days where i can actually sit down on my study able and reflect on myself. now i have to juggle with all the CCA and academics commitments, wadever free time i have is devoted to my family [not like i have alof of free time too, my mum has been complaining i have been dao-ing her recently]and friends. sigh, i think we have to, like wad kelly says, get pass this shit 2 yrs and live life all over again. x_x i shall mug hard for blocks. i want my h3 chem or geog. :X woah, damn stressed out. and i want to go out with huiyi and SURF too. WE MUS MEET UP OKAY. I DONT CARE. xD
+i hope i am not jus acting cheerful. becos there is no incentive for me to be happy.
+okay, i gtg le! haha mug more mug more. byebye!

survive!

+its 11.50pm now, and i am feeling realli sleepy, but i will probably post abit of random stuffs before going to sleep, since tmr is a rest day for me :D
+thanks for all the encouragement my frens and sibling[s] have given me, picked me up well. i guess i am gradually adapting to the busy-ness of JClife and hopefully all these will be over soon. i would say i have very high expectations of myself so most of these stress is self-induced. so well, maybe i shall learn to relax more. =) these 3weeks have been rather fine for me i guess. hehheh, and due to something kelly told me online at some friday night, i have [successfully] picked myself up from the past. shldnt waste time anymore, and yay, no [sea]weeds. xD
+ajco concert was imba, the dizi is *sniff* i think i am zao-ta-ing HCCO dizi cos i am inside =( i am such a bad player, kinda realised dat after hearing AJCOdizi. tianhe is like OMG with bangdi =) had a good time with jinzhang, stephanie and tianhe's tablemate. haha. and well, everytime davy sees me, he will forever ask the same question. this time i guess i can firmly answer him I DUN WANT TO FIND. friends and family are the most important people, they are the ones who stand by u when u are sad. and i am sure i realli appreciate them for doing so. =)
+voices in flight was imba too, its like from the moment they sang, u can see all of their passion for music. sigh~if i could have dat feeling for COmusic too. dat would be fine. i shall pay attention in CO and make miracles for myself from now on. yay. i realli cant wait for dance night, it will be another nice performance also. and of cos i cant wait for my own concert, when all my darling juniors and best frens will come and support me :D reminds me of music camp isnt it? yay. but i dun want another big bear this time round x_x or my mum will get realli sianned. xD clare and i have been blatantly asking for flowers from juniors, but dats fine, becos tianhe and jolene have been doing the same thing for their concerts respectively. xD well, i am of cos looking forward to NJCO concert. it will be super fun to see jolene, weijian, masu, melissa, GINA, jinxian and all other RVCO batchmates to perform, and this time, i watch them perform. sigh, in the past we performed together, and i wonder when will we have the chance to perform as dizi-mates again. probably zhiyin IV? hopefully.
+school has been fine, 2CCAs are still manageable [i guess], and i do pay attention in lectures. have been dao-ing abit of tutorials due to the mini-blocks this week, but i guess things shld turn out fine after dat. yay (: but i have been dao-ing my family commitments recently, and tmr, i have specially reserved my day for my family, since its mother's day =) too bad sis is trapped in UK, or tmr will be fun. mum booked me since last week and i need to buy new bag, new clothes, new water bottle, and if possible, new shoes haha xD i dread shopping trips, but not when its quality time spent with my parents and most imptly, when u need all these new stuffs x_x
+some other random thoughts, i was listening to some mayday songs, and the lyrics said "...human are trying to flip through the dictionary, but the word dat they cant find is LOVE." how i agree. this world has become so menancing that the big human love has long been gone. its the little love dat is keeping us going now. but where was the selfless love dat was once in everyone. i wonder.
+yeah, probably going to sleep now, and i shall stop blogging in case its too wordy. haha. 
+the world is so big, reforestation is going on, there are so many trees around, the little girl is sure to find a sturdy tree to build her treehouse, with no decay, and no [sea]weeds. =)

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+shaoying's is tired officially. mentally, physically, financially, psychologically, and of cos, emotionally.
she is tired of able to complete tutorials and understanding lectures and not being able to do the questions in tests.
she is tired of worrying about her sister who had lost her phone and camera in Rome and her plane almost crashed in Greece.
she is tired of spending so much money that she dont get to buy food during recess.
she is tired of sleeping jus 5.5 or 6hrs a day.
she is tired of missing RV, so much so dat she decided not to think of it.
she is tired of chiong-ing PI.
she is tired of not chatting with her best frens who are in other shcools.
she is tired of emo-ing.
she is tired of running 2.4 and doing NAPFA.
she is tired of trying out all her tutorials and keep bothering her seniors.
she is tired of being STUPID.
she is tired of ___________. she is freaking tired of it. every morning, she wakes up happily, but the first person she thinks of is __________. and she will get tired of _________ again.
she is tired of people telling her dat she is too stressed, becos dat adds on to being stress.
she is tired of people telling her she is fine, when she isnt.
she is tired of having low-self esteem.
she is tired of having a blur life. she needs to set a direction herself. but something is keeping her at the crossroads.
she is tired of trying to be happy, becos she is weaker den she seems to be.
she is tired of________________________
she is tired. we all noe that she is.
+mum told me to relax more, and she even gave me $$ to eat in school. but she didnt noe i spend it all on funds. she told me again today not to be too stressed out. but can i? i dont wish to disappoint her. i dont want her to keep telling me: SEE, IF U ARE IN NJ, DEN U WONT BE SO STRESS OUT. i dont want them to worri about me. i dont want people to worri about me. becos by doubting my ability, i will doubt my own ablilty too. i feel tired. i need a good rest.
+and the tears jus fell off liddat.
+jts was fun, shant elaborate too much on it. went sakae. CO is starting to get fun too. i finally understand the song. other den dat, nothing seems to go well for me recently. shant elaborate too much too. now i jus hope, i can PASS maths and my sister to reach her hall safely.
please, let me forget all about you. becos u are taking such a big part of my life away. and its getting into a never ending hole. u are the first person to make my tears fall. go away please.
+dats all. probably go for more mugging.

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WE!

+iLOVE. RVCO.
040408.HAPPI 1ST YR ANNIVERSARY =)
i woke up smiling to myself. its 4APRIL! (: exactly one year ago, at the exact time i woke up, i was already heading for school. we had to reach school at 6am! and i rmb, we went to COroom and played the whole 2songs twice before embarking on the journey to SCH.
den before we could go onto the stage and perform, my sister gave me loads and loads of hugs to encourage me. the wait was a torturous one. i rmb checking my di-mo every few seconds and drinking alot alot alot of water. den the moment came. i walked inside the concert hall, saying "WE SURE GET HONOURS DE."
and mrwong lifted his conductor stick. and the music began. woots. the feeling was amazing. it was fuzzy and warm. becos the 80of us [including mrwong xD] were shining on stage. the RVCO syf07 batch (:
and we finished playing. it ended so abruptly. and i rmb how me and fuen emo over our performance. and my poor sister had to console me and console him at the same time xD and waiting for the results was painful. but i could never never never forget the moment when he announced and the 13of us jus stood up and screamed =)
one yr later. i could still rmb every detail dat happened on dat day. and some of us went back to RV today jus to get our Olevel cert as well as to commemmorate this day. while huiyi, geraldine, jiahui and i walked down the car park, the familiar feeling grabbed me. this was the path i used to walk [in a sleepy mode] every morning! and i walked thru the canteen, all the way to my container classroom. dat was the small metal steps when we used to hang out during free periods. and everyday while i climbed up, thinking of jkdlf.
as i opened the 4i classroom, i saw all my darling juniors. awwwwwwww. my home. my section. and den i went down to collect my cert [ugly cert, despite mrlum saying he is going to steal it xD] and we celebrated his birthday! yay~and soon, me and qh went walking around, catching up with each other. we saw mrtan, and we chatted with him. i was surprised he still rmb me! xD yay, and we went back to 4i. to commommerate this special day, i even took my darling gdiao along with me. and i started playing the song. and fu en soon came to join me. haha, reminded me of speech day when both of us like men2 shen2, stand right in front to perform solo =| but well, playing those songs realli reminded me of all the precious times we had. (:
i was quite upset dat clare and tianhe couldnt join us, becos it was supposed to be a little reunion for batchmates xD. but well, i still had much fun with jolene thou. and it feels awkward, becos we are all wearing different uniforms. i miss my missy uniform. and yay, i hear juniors niao-ing me again. i hear miss zeng niao-ing me again. i hear my batch-mates laughing at my l__e story again. dats enough. dats enough to make me go on, dats enough to make me treasure all you. =)
i dont mind getting niao-ed by the teachers, getting caught by mrlum for all my offtune notes. i dont mind the screwed up air-con, the cranky door and the small and smelly room. i dont mind all the sweating and crying. i dont mind going back to SCH and hear wad the emcee said. i dont mind loving it all over again, becos the friendships i have made there last forever. memories, how wonderful they are. i guess i am realli blessed to be a part of this big family. (:
+the little little girl told herself, she will be looking at the past for the last time. she knows she has to move on. she used to long for the day dat she could go and search for her blue sky. now dat she has found her blue sky, her blue sky has coloured her sky grey instead. and now she realises, where her true home is, is the place where she had laughter, she had the innocence, she had the friends dat went through thick and thin with her. she promises, she will look forward from now on. she will start a new life, in a new place called "home". yes, she will miss the old home. but she noes, she would have to leave the cosy little nest one day. so she promises, she will move on.  

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+once upon a time, there was a little little girl. her wish was to find someone she could always rely on and give her directions whenever she is lost. to her, this special someone can bully her, this special someone can complain that she is troublesome. however, the little little girl doesnt mind all these. to her, so long as they were able to be together, she will see herself as the most fortunate person on earth. she doesnt need a big house, she doesnt need diamonds. all she needs is the care from him. whenever she cries, he will be there to catch her tears. whenever she is struggling, he will lend her a helping hand. its jus a little little wish of a little little girl. however, she noes dat this someone is somewhere that she doesnt know. she tot she had found him, but everytime, it is jus a false alarm. this little little girl is strong. she tells herself every night: "its okay! i will find dat special someone. the person will definitely be better den __________. the special someone will give me happiness. he will be with me happily ever after!" ________, she was very upset. ___________________________________
___________________________________
___________________________________
she doesnt know, whats wrong with herself. actually, the little little girl has fallen into a bottomless pit. she has ________ with ____. when the little little girl jus knew him, she told herself, she will never ever fall for him. becos if she does so, she will have a hard time. however, over time, she had a feeling he is the special someone she had been searching for. unknowingly, she began to rely on him. when she knew _________, she cried. this innocent little little girl has never felt this way before, and she doesnt know why is she so heartbroken. she keeps thinking of it, and as she walked, she knocked into things. she is hurt, but he doesnt even notice.
one day, this little little girl decided dat she should let go of everything. becos she knows that there is always someone out there who is nicer den ________, who is more meticulous den ________. she thought she had let go, but fate wouldnt allow her to. the ending of the story is very simple: the little little girl is realli realli hurt. becos of a person's kindness has made her lost her little little wish. she would never ever dare to believe if there is someone to rely on alreadi. the little little girl is heartbroken. and her heart cant be mended anymore. this is becos he doesnt even care about her. he has his own world, the person he likes, the dreams he wants to chase. to him, the girl is jus a ______. he didnt give her a chance. in the first place, if he hadnt ___________________, she wouldnt have fall for him. or perhaps, its all the little little girl's fault. she shouldnt have walked into the wise wizard's trap. she needs a big brother, someone who can protect her forever. she tried to make herself forget everything, onli to realise she couldnt. her _____ is left blank, all becos of him.
perhaps, the 2 of them shouldnt even have met each other in the first place. becos falling in love is a painful thing. the girl loved him, and its very painful for her. she had to endure so much pain dat she is heartbroken.
+jus a lame story i crapped up while dying at home today. hope its sad enough.

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lost.

+I MISS RVCO TERRIBLY TOO, TIANHE. i miss all the fun times we had. i miss going to toilet for XXmins with u all, and end up all wet. i miss all the times we played wuti1. i miss all the times we go home together and got SUPER DUPER HIGH. i missed all the times when i slept on the bus and u all scared me by saying "we got bronze for SYF becos u didnt go SYF", i missed all the times we pia-ed together. i missed the times when we all cried becos we got it. i missed all the times peng peng repeat his stuff for 5-6 times every week. i missed going to school with jolene. i missed chatting about lame and _______ stuffs. i missed all the letter writing. i missed the small cosy COroom which is so small that u cant find a way back to ur seat if u are late. i missed the cranky door which makes everyone stare at u whenever u open it. i missed all the noob noob juniors looking at me playing solo. i missed scolding and laughing with my juniors. i missed all the planning for COcamp. i missed all the fun times when we cheated in the games. i missed all the fun we derived from pairing up random people [xD]. i missed all the hugs and pat on my shoulders whenever i am upset. i missed all the S.H.I.T and gao zhong ai yue tuan crap in shanghai. i missed all the laokokkok niao-ing me by u all. i missed jinzhang's niao-ing me not to think too much. i missed staying till5am in the morning in COcamp to listen to the gossips. i missed drawing comics xD. i missed getting niao-ed by all the teachers. i missed waving to my batchmates. i missed my childish times. i missed decorating the dizi cupboard. i missed niao-ing the juniors whenever they put SHOES inside the dizi cupboard. i miss all the zhiweis. i miss all my batchmates. i miss dizi-mates. i miss tianhe, i miss jolene [i dont miss clare since she is in HCCO too ^^], i miss jinzhang, i miss kaying, i miss junice, i miss joanna, i miss brenda. i realli realli miss RVCO. i realli realli realli realli realli miss dizi. I MISS RVCO DIZI! =((((((((((((((((((((((((((
+i like HCCO, but i realli miss RVCO alot. we mus go back one day to niao the juniors okay? =(=(=(

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