Emo Day

Really quite drained today. Generally, it was such an emo day. Leaving SiTF, carrying those pleasant and unpleasant memories while working there. My colleagues are really nice. They sprung a surprise for me, a surprise gift! Actually, I kinda suspected something was going on. At the spur of the moment, I was so busy that I din think much of it! Oh well... Not sure if I'll actually miss SiTF. Feeding the fishes, attending the many events if GREAT FOOD, having "meetings" after lunch in the conference room, getting jacked by Semun, so many things.

After work, more emo stuffs was to come. I went to Regina's 21st bday party. Quite nice ambience, quite a nice and cosy group. I had to update a few of them about my ear condition, how I miraculously got a viral infection to the left inner ear and stuffs like that. Special thanks to sister Sishan who actually took most of my emo nonsense! In a way, I vent out my feelings to a face-to-face person. Honestly, there was a point of time when I felt like I was going to break down. Like the first time since I know of my ear's impeding doom. Bleahz...

Although Regina was supposingly the star for the event, I couldn't quite get into the mood. Sorry about that Regina. It's just very emo day for me. But I hope I din make a scene at your party. May you enjoy your birthday!

I guess that is all I have for this emo day today. I'll be flying off on sunday morning. Hopefully all goes well in China. That means, my ear recovered, more victims from Sichuan saved, and no more natural disaster please...
SuNsH|ne at 23/05/08 4:26 PM | 1 comments

Very tired

I am very tired already. Sick and tired of all these. This Sunday marks the 1 month for the condition I'm having. All that ear buzzing, hearing loss on the left, I'm really tired of it. It really is a rollercoaster ride. 1 moment I'm hopeful I'll recover, ther other moment I feel hopeless. Jaded...

I was pleased when my specialist told me that results showed that I am recovering. When I look at the audiogram, I realised he only meant lower frequency sounds. That's cool, I was happy that there was progress and hopeful that there will be more.

Then, I read up online and realised I need my higher frequency sounds too for speech. Suddenly, my world came crashing back down as that region showed no improvement at all. Haix... Hopeless...

I'll be leaving for China on Sunday. Actually cancelled my Australia trip to go seek treatment in China. Can you believe it? Treatment's going to take approx 1 month. There's no guarantee that I will ever hear again from my left. But I certainly hope I can recover. Let's all pray...

It's funny. When u look at the victims in Myanmar and Sichuan, all your problems seem so small. Even my problems dun seem to compare to theirs. Yet it sucks like a bitch becoz I want to feel sorry for myself. What a moral dilemma. Oh well... Have fun during all your holidays. I'm not worth your time worrying...
SuNsH|ne at 22/05/08 2:40 PM | 0 comments

Hopes dashed

As the days passed by, I feel I'm just fighting a lost cause. Went to visit the doc today again. As expected, did a hearing test. As expected, there's MARGINAL improvement. So pathetic for an injection that cost so much. Doctor said I can try 1 more shot, but at best expect a 10-15% recovery. Even that is not certain.

I feel like just giving up. It's been a while already. I might as well get used to it. Boy I wish something will trigger a miracle. But even I know that's not very possible. Dad says we'll try 1 more shot. Doc says after that shot, if it still doesn't improve significantly, that is it, I have to accept.

Get together... let's embrace this new life of mine. A life with a 24/7 broken radio. Dear friends, if you wanna bad-mouth me, you have every reason to do it from my left. Otherwise, please speak louder so I can hear from my right. Having said that, you know your secrets are safe with me on my left. You can now let it off your chest, and I can assure you I'll know nothing of it.
SuNsH|ne at 13/05/08 8:49 AM | 0 comments

Life with a broken radio

After a long period of MIA, I'm finally back to my blog. Surprising? Maybe. Expected? Probably. Always gonna come back, just when. It's been a long hard 6 months for me, work and stuffs. They just don't come easy. Many pple laugh when I told them my "designation" as opposed to what I do at work. Anyway, there is a catalyst for me to be back. And I just wanna start off by saying that this spot is so very special to the group of frens who loved me, and stood by me when my life took a dramatic turn recently.

To the main topic: 2 and a half weeks ago, I had a major problem with my left ear. I couldn't balance properly, and I couldn't hear from my left. Fast forward to the day I visited the specialist about a week ago. Diagnose: Viral infection in the left inner ear. Treatment: Steriods jab to the ear drum, medication. Recovery chances: 50-50 (partial recovery only). Optimistic Conclusion: I'll be well again. Pessimistic Conclusion: The ringing in my left ear could stay, I might be permanently deaf in my left ear.

I must admit, I was devastated. I was not strong mentally, but I know what I lost in hearing is somewhat compensated with the love I get from my family and friends. However, I really wish I could hear from my left again. This isn't easy to accept. I was very scared, and I needed a miracle to happen.

So I began life with a broken radio. A broken radio which buzzed 24/7, less the time that I am asleep. Every morning I woke up wishing it will go away. Every morning I told myself it got slightly better. Nevermind the false strong front. I was just psych-ing myself, cheating on my own conscious. We may not treasure the things we have in the past. Yet when we lose it, it seems like the whole world. Life is just not the same anymore. A part of me just did not want to talk to people, did not want to go out and have fun anymore. It just... died.

Everyday I think of the doctor's words. Everyday I hope I'm the 50% lucky lot who recover enough of their hearing to live normally again. Everyday I gotta say pardon for more than 10 times. And who can really understand what I am going through? I guess that's when I point to those who had a similar experience.

I'm sorry I'm just not strong enough. I lay in bed every night, praying that the next morning, this nightmare will be over. I pray hoping that some miracle will occur and it'll be ok over the night just as it is NOT ok over the night. Every night, I shed a tear or two in bed. I asked, what could be worse. But what came to me was what could be better. As I drift off to lala land, I had to concentrate on my breathing to fall asleep. Who knows if I actually shed more tears in my dreams.

I want to be stronger. More importantly, I wanna be well again... =( Wish me luck in the check-up tmr.

SuNsH|ne at 12/05/08 3:05 PM | 0 comments

Horrible 14 Days!!!

Well well... What do you know... I'm suddenly down with chicken pox! Have been rotting at home since last wed! Today is day 9 of my 14 days MC, and I already cannot take this "home prison" anymore. However, thy shall be good responsible citizen of singapore, and not go walking around as a public virus. Lolx...

As you can clearly see, this blog has been pretty much dead =X My apologies, however, this seems like the opportunity to resurrect the dead, to do this little place some justice. So just beware, freaking long entries are up ahead!!!

10 Apr - Not a very enjoyable day at work. Colleague's not around, and apparently there's some misunderstanding over the deadline with the external party. Rush here and there... Just to cover up the work while my colleague is on off.

13 Apr - Our mini 4I gambling session yet again. The usual gang had itchy hands again. I always like to play cards with them. We crap, we talk rubbish and we basically just enjoy the game and each other's company, with the occasional bian tai hand to wow abt.

16 Apr - My boss blasted a poor guy. Over a little misunderstanding on medical and dental appts. This is so horrible. I dun think he should just lecture the kid like that. Everybody makes mistakes, further more the mistake is not very major. He just wants to protect himself. Bahz... Anyway, the re-course pple sucked! They created a whole load of trouble! Aiyo, go re-course then go re-course nah... Why we still need to interview them and stuffs! So wu liao!

19 Apr - There's a friendly soccer match going on in office. I took the opportunity to run a little and exercise. Don't care already, although I'm not supposed to be seen doing that. Everything there is so absurd. Anyway, it rained halfway during the match. Gotta stop and resume after that. Not professionals... Rain come, we zao, coz cannot be sick. Lolx...

20 Apr - My glimmer of hope for my dear tutee. It's actually quite enjoyable when my tutee understands my teachings and do them well. He's just plain lazy lah! Always going to toilet, always don't want to think. Bahz...

21-22 Apr - Yet another boring weekend. I spent some time at the gym with my cousin on saturday. Yea gotta keep mildly fit. And of coz I helped out my friend with physics @ KAP. Oh well...

24 Apr - It's funny the timing I usually fall sick on. I always fall sick on an off-duty day! So I would just nua, get an MC for the next day and nua again the following day. Bahz... Hate to be sick. At least I haven't feel nausea for quite a few years already. Hate the smell and feeling of it.

27 Apr - Terra visited the juniors back in Elects Camp. I don't know what to say. Tried to give them some advice on what to expect in future. I'm sure the seniors do the same thing to their juniors. Experience really spells a lot, and I guess this is how it works too at working companies in future too. Sheesh... Age is suddenly a good thing.

28 Apr - Went to watch soccer match with my colleagues. Or rather, they played. Lucky I never play! No soccer boots, very ma fan one! My other colleague played without soccer boots. Guess what... He slipped and scored an own goal!! Phew... Lucky I never play. I'm worse off than him in terms of skill! Maybe I'll score TWO own goals if I play. Lolx... The vice capts went back for elects camp this time. The feeling is somewhat different from terra councillors. In a way, I enjoy being with the VCs more, yet sometimes the other councillors just turn a blind side on you. Decided to stay and watch the blindfold challenge at night. There's another senior, Kelvin, who just stayed behind together with me. Things certainly have changed quite a bit. The objectives of the challenge no longer matched. It wasn't helped that the outside rained. I can't say that the standard is dropping, but at least I can say things are really different now. However, I still feel my batch was quite legendary. We were a batch who discretely broke rules with the sch pop. We worked hard to be loved by the general sch pop, and I think that was the hardest to achieve. I'm proud of the 37th NJSC =)

29 Apr - Went to Herbert's house after tuition. His house is always full of original games. And you know what? His house is the few houses that can compete with mine in terms of messiness. Lolx... Herbert's a cool guy. He has incredible talent in musical games, which I just cannot get!!! I sucked at them! Hahax... Anyway, had quite a bit of fun with Herbert & Dexter, plus a friend of Bert's whom I dunno.

30 Apr - Took off... Becoz loooooong weekend mahz. Shiok! I went to do some bank administration. Deposit some money and made a debit card. Oooooo I love my debit card now! Yay! Hahax... After that, it's just cards session again! Why? Becoz our dear xiaozhi hands itchy! B4 exams play once, after exams play another time. Diaoz...

I guess that's enough for now. Since I'm sooooo free now, yes u can expect updates regularly =)

Sigining off, SuNsH|ne
SuNsH|ne at 23/08/07 5:21 AM | 0 comments

Anger

I'm pissed I'm pissed I'm pissed!!! I'm really very very pissed!!! Watch out... another 1 month and 1 week, you guys will know how much I have been helping you guys out. Not even appreciative, and took advantage instead. Actually I wanted to rant in office already. But apparently the office internet too lousy, whatever I typed got wiped out by a "cannot display page"!!! Bahz... Whatever... They will finally be doing some work.

Signing off, SuNsH|ne
SuNsH|ne at 06/08/07 4:48 PM | 2 comments

Back to blogging

Oh manz... it's been eon years since I blogged. Lolx... Paiseh lah, everytime I wanna blog, I become busy. Everytime I'm free, I dun feel like blogging. Boo! What's this man? Ok ok... I'm just creating excuses for myself! Oops...

27 Mar - Another one of those driving lessons. Did U-turns and upslope. Still ok lahz, although things can be easier. Hahax... Think my clutch after so long liaoz, still kinda sucks. Bleahz... When will I ever ever get better?

29 Mar - My student is really kinda hopeless. You scold him, he smile smile at you. You try and prick his ego, his ego comes back at you and tell you that he's right. I'm really not the tutor for him. The heart is there for me, yet the flesh is weak. I have no idea how to make him better. Haiz...

30 Mar - Organised a cards stayover for my 4i mates @ my dad's condo. The tenant moved out and the condo is undergoing en-bloc negotiations. Fun sia... The chalet feeling was there, and we all loved it. Unfortunately, the condo is now occupied again for dunno how long. Hopefully, can have another "chalet" again before it officially en-bloc.

31 Mar - A shopping spree day!!! Bought present for my dear vc Wanhua. Then spent somewhat like $60 to buy some tickets for Arts Fest Plays. Sia lahz... I am super duper broke lor! In general, had a nice day shopping. Even window shopping can be a beautiful thing =P

1 Apr - Went out with council mates. Go ECP to cycle. Initially wanna try to roller blade one! Then nobody wants to teach, nobody wants to be patient enough to wait for the slow bladers. So in the end, no choice have to cycle instead. Sheesh... Sianz... Watched Turtles movie. Actually dun really feel like watching. But got some super enthu guy wanna watch. So ok lor... Go with the flow. Hahax... The way I see it, it seems like Final Fantasy graphics meet Lord of The Rings setting. Wahahahahahax...

2 Apr - My first attempt at parallel parking and vertical parking. Wah it's really not that easy!!! Then again, I'm starting to wonder why when people park, they need to keep turning the steering wheel, so unlike how I learn to park! Hahax...

5 Apr - Highlight of the day, ex boss farewell. Went to Yishun Safra KTV to sing and celebrate. Ex boss treat. But I think we a bit too much, spent too much, so must treat back some other day. Wah the taxes and stuffs so super ex! Stupid colleagues lor, insisted on calling in a bottle of hard liquor. In the end bill up to $500 sia. If I'm the boss I also xin tong ah! Sheesh...

6 Apr - This yr Good Friday is slightly different from other Good Friday. Hahax... Dex came over to my hse so that we can finish up our X-men, and then Herbert came over to play too. Guitar Hero, O2jam, all the various games we play. It's been quite a while since we all come together to play. Pretty fun lahz... Ate dinner together while talking abt camp stuffs

7 Apr - Went to gym with Ben. He had a little pleasant surprise for me. He managed to get Prison Break 2!!! Woot!!! Exciting sia... I can finally watch at my own comfortable pace. Must exercise and keep FIT! Or else I'll get fat just sitting in office =X

8 Apr - Easter Sunday!!! I actually went to service for the experience! Sheesh... The songs soooo long. I guess it's an occasion, so it's different. This church that I went to, I guess was more friendly and less pushy. They dun try and force their beliefs upon you, and to me, that's important and that's a start. It's not like I totally disbelieve in christianity. In fact, I'm a rojak in terms of religion. Haha...

Guess that's quite a bit of updating. More coming up soon =)
SuNsH|ne at 15/06/07 3:55 AM | 1 comments