this is supposed to be in the blogspot.. but somehow cannot appear leh.. odd.. but here it is..
finally i can update. loads of grumbling to do. so many things have happened since the last entry. all thanks to my brother for getting a laptop n not bothering about the computer at home anymore. i just have to survive without internet access at all i guess. even now, in the com lab, not in the comforts of my own home. oh well, what can i do then? ask me to use his laptop? wait long long lah, he told me that i am very unlucky.. everytime when i use his com, something will happen to it n so he dun want me to use his laptop since he has office work inside. darn.
well, anyway, huang cheng is over! yup, more or less i guess. it was great, considering the fact that sheying is comparatively more united as compared to last year. but really la, can't say that we are really that united. if we are, then everyone will be coming down to do the video, right? but it ends up that only 3 ppl are around, including myself. quite sad lah, 2 of my video members have to leave hc. but hm, when huang cheng is over, it's over. but memories stay. n the spirit stays. dun think i will every forget how i felt on the last day of huang cheng when i saw the seniors singing the song with us in the audience. i was so touched that tears just flowed. but well, now is the painstaking part of doing huang cheng stuff when no one else is. at least when we were doing last time, so were a hundred people or so. now, it's like only 3 people out of the whole cohort. :S
block tests are over too. n got back almost all my subjects already.. other than gp paper 1 to be given back next week. well, what can i say? i flunked all of them. failed 3 subjects. and for math, which i passed, i got 51/100. which is like shit too. i dunno why i get so lousy also. why is it that other people can do so well and i cannot? just feel so sianz lately, dun feel like doing anything at all. i dun want to even look at my work. i dun want to even touch my block test papers. i dun even want to come to school. but well, i think i have to. i have to start work soon. i have to get back to mugging soon. i mean, if all the huang cheng ppl did badly for their blocks, then i will have nothing to say, for it was because of huang cheng. but the problem is, everyone is coping well. they might fail 1 subject at the most. but fail 3? then i dun think it is due to huang cheng. i think it is just me. stupid me.when i look at all the juniors like trying hard to stay in hc, i asked myself, if i really have to make a choice, would i still stay? i would think not. other than the fact that i dislike adapting to a new environment (friends, rules n everything), there is nothing holding me back. what's so good about hc? i think it's only good for the smarties. when u are a no-brainer like me, stay away! i dun think i am that stupid, but all the evidence seem to show that i am. those who were in the same class as me in rv, so many of them have s papers n distinctions all around. it does not seem to be the case when i console myself n say that people in hc are too smart. well, there are also primary school classmates who were in (as they say) not so good secondary schools, they are also doing s papers now. so what have i been doing? i study hard too. ok, i can't say that i am very hardworking, but i am not lazy. i do my tutorials, i listen in lectures (but dun understand everything). think the pace here is too fast for me. just can't seem to catch up. i study at a very slow pace, i need to understand before carrying on, but dun think i can do that here in hc. so i think if i have another choice, i will not come to hc leh. but of course, other than my academic, i am quite enjoying life -- friends, tv etc. trying to get back to the mugging pace, but i dun think i can do it so fast.
well.. remember the time when i said i will only wirte happy stuff in my blog. k lah. should not make this entry any sadder already.. need to go meet my video members already.. hope that i can update soon next time!
